Finally.

With 4.5 weeks left of this pregnancy (or less, if he's like his siblings), I can finally say I feel excited.  I realize this is late in the game, but it's a moment I've been waiting for and even praying would come before he arrives. 

It's funny.  Not much has changed, but for some reason the dark shadow that has been looming seems to be lifting.  I'm still just as uncomfortable physically - maybe more so with the giant-ness of the belly and the contractions that seem to come quite frequently.  We still face a whole heap of unknowns with jobs and finances and schedules.  We are hopeful that the natural delivery will reduce my chances for postpartum depression and increase our odds for nursing this time around.  But only time will tell.  It's all still very much unknown.  Yet, all I can tell you is that something has changed in my heart.

I've been praying - perhaps begging - that God would change my emotions of resentment and dread into peace, and rest, and joy.  I'm so glad it is happening now, even if it took this long. 

To say more on the subject would be repetitive so I'll stop for now.  But rejoice with me that God is faithful, and kind, and that He has granted my petition for a peaceful heart in the midst of the crazy... instead of just taking the crazy away.