Clinging

I know, I know, post #2 with no pictures. I'm sure you'll forgive me after you read it.

For those of you who aren't facebook addicts, my 30th birthday was last Wednesday, August 5.

I had been looking forward to this birthday, because I have always believed that 30 is when people start to take you seriously in life - you're not a 20-something anymore. Despite the fact that I have been married for almost 4 years, and have had 2 (adorable) babies, I have been struggling with feeling like a "grown up." Don't get me wrong, I'm not itching for a head-full of gray hairs, or the Senior Citizen discount, but I just didn't feel like I had arrived into adult-hood.

So the weekend before my birthday, I shipped my kids to our neighboring state of Ohio (or as Brian calls it - God's Country) to stay with my in-laws, and forced my husband to take me out to dinner and a (free) movie. All was going well and we were enjoying our free time until 4ish pm on Saturday when I received a text from my dear friend (of over 20 years) saying that her sweet baby boy had died that day. And all of a sudden, I was staring grown-up me right in the face.

Kristy's sweet Max was my daughter Mattie's baby buddy. They were 1 week apart, and we had just been to the zoo with them the week prior. It all seemed so surreal, and so close to home. I was horrified at the thought of what my friend was going through and I found myself weeping in a way that I had never experienced before.

For history's sake, you should know that there were 4 of us that were nearly inseparable from 1st grade to HS (when we went to different schools) - Kristy, Jenny, Heather, and I. We had all grown up, had children, and been our own separate ways, but had recently reunited and have been having girls outings since about Christmastime. I always believed we were the kind of friends that would be there for each other in the good and the bad... but I always pictured us at least a decade older before doing the funeral thing... but there we stood, reminiscent of years gone by. And as we grieved with our friend as she buried her little Max at such an early age, I could help but feel... old.

Now grieving does different things to different people, and I have dabbled with several coping mechanisms over the years, but this time I just found myself clinging to the Lord. How do people deal with such loss without Him? I can't even imagine. Praying for strength to help my friend through the darkest days of her life to date, Praying for comfort for her and her family, longing for the day when we will see Max again, but most importantly anticipating the day when every tear will be wiped away and there will be no more pain.

I went to a 2nd funeral yesterday - this time for a man who had lived a full and well-lived life - and we celebrated and worshiped the Lord together. Such a contrast of emotions in one week. Welcome to 30. Here's to hoping that whatever the rest of the years bring my way, that I will always find myself clinging to Jesus' feet, whether in grief or sorrow or joy or thankfulness. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.