Suiting Up

I'm feeling the fight today.  The fight referenced here.  No surprise, as I am doing my 90 day challenge. 

I woke up this morning feeling frazzled.  It was one of those days where you don't really know why, but nothing was going well.  Husband didn't quite get up when the alarm went off.  Neither of us is quite sure what happened, but he woke up 5 minutes before he usually leaves.  And since he didn't get up, I had to take Kenna to school, but little buddy needed to eat and there just wasn't enough time for everything.  I reminded myself that it was just preschool and it was OK if she was a little bit late, so we got everyone ready (and by everyone, I mean everyone except myself... isn't that what all moms do?), fed the baby, and headed off to school about 20 minutes late.  In our haste, I left their breakfasts -- dry cereal in a bag, something they actually really enjoy despite how boring it may sound-- on the counter.  (They did each consume a nutri-grain bar while buddy had his bottle, but still).  

I dropped her off, climbed back into the van, and realized I had an hour and a half to kill before my accountability meeting with Ang.   What to do... I hate wasting time.  Mattie requested a snack at Target, and since I had forgotten breakfast, I used my precious Starbucks gift card to purchase her a new one.  I was sitting there sipping my Americano (grande, 1/2 caf with 2 pumps of toffee nut and 2 pumps of caramel), feeling very defeated.  It wasn't just the day that was bothering me.  It was Fear and Stress (we're on a first name basis) creeping into my very vulnerable mind, haunting me with the same old question "What is he going to do next?"  

Instinctively I began to pray, as I had done a million times, asking God to bring us relief.  And then it hit me.   

I don't think God wants me to be praying for relief.  

As I stopped to think about what all that meant, I got a message from a friend saying she woke up praying for us today.  She said she could remind me of God's provision, faithfulness, and grace, but it doesn't always make things easier.  She then said something that I believe is critical for us right now.  She said she is praying that our ears are open to hearing His direction for our lives.  I almost jumped out of my chair as my heart cried "YES!  That's it!"  

And then the wheels just started turning.  My mind seemed to be awakened (by more than just the espresso) to the idea that I've been praying all wrong.  Perhaps the key to combating Fear and Stress is not praying for relief, but praying for our ears to be open for His direction, strength to endure while we wait, and for a softness and quietness in our hearts so that we are sensitive and responsive to His voice.  

We should be praying against hard-heartedness, bitterness, and jealousy... against deceit and "the sins that so easily entangle".   

We should be praying that He will guard our hearts and our marriage against the dangers that are sure to attack us in our weakness... and not so that we may receive any glory for ourselves or be proud of what we have overcome, but so that our lives may be a testimony of His faithfulness. 

Just up to this minute, I have had three friends message me saying I was on their mind today and that they were praying for me.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I think the Lord is reminding me that the Battle is His to be won.